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It’s a wonderful life if you can take it!


A Clam must be a Diplomat, a Democrat, an Autocrat and a Doormat.
A Clam must have the faculty to entertain Prime ministers, Princes of Industry, Pickpockets, Gamblers, Bookmakers, Pirates, Philanthropists, Popsies and Prudes.

A Clam must be on both sides of the Political Fence and be able to jump the fence.

A Clam should be, or have been, a Footballer, Golfer, Bowler, Tennis Player, Cricketer, Dart Player, Sailor, Pigeon Fancier, Motor Racer and a Linguist

As well as have a good knowledge of any other sport involving

Dice, Cards, Horse Racing and Billiards.
This is also most useful, as a Clam has sometimes to settle arguments and squabbles.

A Clam must be a qualified Boxer, Wrestler, Weight Lifter, Sprinter and Peacemaker.

A Clam must always look immaculate when drinking with the Ladies and Gentlemen mentioned in the last paragraph.

As well as the Bankers, Swankers, Theatricals, Commercial Travelers and Company Representatives

Even though a Clam has just made peace between any of the Two, Four, Six or More of the aforementioned Patrons.

To be successful, the Clam must keep the Bar full, the House full, the Storeroom full, The Wine Cellar full, the Customers full and not get full Himself.
A Clam must be Clean, Honest, Quick, Social-drinker, Mathematician, Technician, and at all times be on the bosses side, the Customers side and stay on the outside of the Bar.

To Sum it Up.


A Mike’s Clam Shack Clam must be Outside, Inside, Offside, Glorified, Sanctified, Crucified, Stupefied and Cross-eyed but only shucked by Mike, so please respect our Clams and remember they were all hand picked, you have the best team of clams taking care of you, please give them your respect and have patience.

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